Frequently Asked Questions
Read these FAQ's before scrolling to the bottom to send me hate mail.
Q. What is SparklyVampires.com?
A. It's the website that I use to house my Twilight review.
Q. Why don't you like Twilight?
A. I... there's a review of all four books on the FRONT PAGE of this site. Jesus...
Q: Who are you?
A. I have an about page, fucktard.
Q. You mean you WOULDN'T have sex with a vampire?!
A. No, I do not desire to shove a popsicle up my ass.
Q. Have you even read the books the whole way through?!
A. Unfortunately, yes. I read them all the way through to
the Pedobear Ending.
Q. You're just jealous, aren't you?
A. Yes, I am very jealous that I didn't have my sex hole
ravaged by a sparkly vampire.
Q: Are you insulting the fans?
A: For the most part, yes.
Q: Isn't hating a book a waste of time?
A: I actually find this to be quite enjoyable.
Q: But seriously, don't you have anything better to do
with your time?
A: Yes, and that's why I only spent about two hours building
this website.
Q: How could you not like Twilight?!
A: Because it's sexist, poorly written and destroys the
mythology of vampires.
Q: What's wrong with being a Twilight fan?
A: Nothing, really. The problem is that the Twilight series
attracts very, very dumb people.
Q: Not all Twilight fans are dumb!
A: Yes, but enough of them are to annoy me.
Q: I respect your opinion but.. SHUT THE FUCK UP!
A: HAHA.
Q: Why did you read Twilight if you hate it so much?
A: Because I didn't know that I would hate it until I read
it...
Q: Do you have something against Mormons?!
A: Yeah, kind of.
Q: I couldn't find Sparkly Vampires at my local library.
A: Your library probably hasn't been updated with the latest
version of firefox.
Q: You called Stephenie Meyer a pedophile. Doesn't it
take one to know one?
A: By that logic I'm also a fucking gypsy.
Q: What do you do in your spare time?
A: I write shit like this.
Q: How frequently asked are these questions anyway?
A: Just once.
Q: Why are you so homophobic?
A: I'm not. I win.
Q: What was your major driving force when writing this
review?
A: Anal leakage.
Q: How do you sleep at night?
A: With a nice book and warm glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: Pimpmobile.
Q: What is your favorite word?
A:
Q: Why doesn't McDonalds sell hotdogs?
A: Because hotdogs are exclusively sold by Mexicans in NYC.
Q: Why does round pizza come in a square pizza box?
A: Have you ever tried to make a round box? It's really
fucking difficult.
Q: Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans
can’t locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this
is?
A: Because some people, namely US Americans, are really,
really stupid.
Q: Are you the anti-Christ?
A: lulz
Q: I hate you.
A: Boo fuckity hoo.
Q: YOU SUCK! TWILIGHT ROXXORSZ!!!!111!!!1!
A: Okay.
Q: Ur so gay!
A: lol
Q: What is your favorite food?
A: Enchiladas.
Q: Why even write about something that you don't like?
A: Because it's called a review. And Twilight sucks.
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